Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Text me some of your sweat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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