Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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