Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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