I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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