Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
