When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
