I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did I show you my penis last night?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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