i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
