I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
