My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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