I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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