He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
