If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
