In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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