I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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