i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
