I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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