Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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