Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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