she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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