I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
