I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
