I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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