He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
