You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
