Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
