she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
