The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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