Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
