Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
