Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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