your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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