So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
