I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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