oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
40s are totally the cure
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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