im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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