I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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