He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
