HIV tests are more positive than that guy
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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