What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it was like eating out sand paper
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
