I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
