i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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