Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
