She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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