Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
