Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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