I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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