I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this will be a night to untag.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
