Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
