my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
