I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
