I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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